What is true friendship? For me, it is the underlying force of the universe– the love that powers the Law of Attraction. It is the magnetism in the electromagnetic force that holds worlds in form. The glue of physical life that underpins evolution and the precious gift of interrelation and communication with other sentient life. Christ could walk on water because He was its true friend, as astounding as that sounds in this era that rejects miracles through its ignorance of metaphysical science. So, how do we go about defining true friendship?
Friendship for me is the purest form of love. It is free of the complications of Eros, the fiery love of sexual passion. However, it must be at the base of romance if it is to survive. It combines the other forms of love as defined by the advanced culture of the ancient Greeks: Philia, the love between comrades which requires loyalty and sacrifice. Storage, the embodied love between parent and child. Pragma, the love of a longstanding relationship and Philautia, love of self. Agape, the selfless love of the illumined is perhaps the deepest root of friendship. The Buddhists call this love ‘universal loving kindness’ or mettā. Agape is the Unconditional Love referred to by Christ and the basis of charity.
Love your neighbour as yourself
~ Mark 12:31
For me, true friendship must be underpinned by truth and enquiry. The spirit of enquiry arises when we are brave enough to utilize friendship as a mirror for our own souls. If we are triggered emotionally, we must look in the mirror and see what is being offered for our own enquiry into the state of our emotions and thoughts.
Too often there is a backlash which may lead to all or part of the following. 1) Projection, ‘something has been done to me’. 2) Blame, ‘it is their fault I am feeling this way’. 3) Loss of loyalty, ‘I must get confirmation of my innocence and their guilt from friends and family’. 4) Betrayal, ‘I must convince others of my point of view and alienate the person who harmed me’. 5) A subtle tearing down of the other to keep yourself in the right. Anything to avoid examining the root of your own feelings!
A friend is always a sweet responsibility. Never an opportunity.
~ Kahil Gibran
The Noble Way is this. 1) Speak with love, ‘when you did this___ it made me feel like this___. (Note you are owning your response, which is always your choice.) 2) ‘In the spirit of enquiry can we analyse what is going between us to have created this situation?’ 3) Look within yourself and trace back the lineage of the emotion you are feeling. If you have had a strong reaction it is likely you have experienced this before. Can you go back to the first time you experienced this? Work on cleansing yourself through enquiry and powerful techniques such as the Violet Flame Decree and H’oponopono.
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
~ Henry Ford
Relationships can be negotiated. Relationships can also come to a rightful end. True friendship is a vibration equal to the vibration of Love and Abundance. It requires soul work as well as emotional and ‘thought’ work to be a true friend. However, If you have tried to come forward with honesty and enquiry over a long period and there is no response, the relationship may be ending. If someone is harming, you really must take a big step back.
Staying in a harmful relationship can be devastating. It can tear down self-confidence until we are no longer aware of how torn down we are. It is wise to step away if a relationship has become dysfunctional and the friend or partner simply can’t move into honesty and enquiry or the intimacy of truthfully shared feelings despite sincere efforts and assiduous self-enquiry on your part.
Either the relationship has fallen into co-dependency or it has come to its natural end or something has upset the balance which must be urgently tended–like a weed infestation in the garden. Sometimes, when we grow, we frighten our friends and partners. They can have strong reactions. We have a precious responsibility to fulfil our lifestreams, our potential and need to be very careful if we find ourselves in that situation. As we change and grow friendships will strengthen or fall away. The door need never be closed but good boundaries are healthy.
A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.
~ Jim Morrison
Violet Flame Decree: The Violet Flame, also called the Alchemists Ray, is the ‘fire that does not burn but transforms all it touches into itself.’ It is also called the Ray of Divine Mercy of God’s Heart, the Fire of Transmutation and the Ray of Mercy and Forgiveness. True forgiveness is healing the illusion of separation. What we do to another, we in truth do to ourselves. Whenever you lose control of your emotions or have negative repetitive thoughts, bathe yourself in the Ray. Here is the accompanying decree.
I call to myself the Beloved Violet Ray of Transmutation, Mercy and Forgiveness. I ask that it burst into flame within and around me and my world. By the authority invested in me as a child of God (you can say Universe, etc.), I command Cause, Core, Record, Effect and Memory of this pattern of behaviour be eradicated from my being and world in all dimension and timelines, now and forever. Then give great thanks in deep humility. On the advanced levels, you can command the transmuted, now neutral substance to be inculcated with a quality. I use Cosmic Victory. More about that another day.
Having done this continually for 25 years clairvoyants tell me my auric field is now deep violet. The Violet Ray can be applied to all situations. When you read the paper or hear the news, don’t disparage the side you oppose, adding more negativity to that which is already negative, Violet Flame it! It will gradually bring everything in alignment with the sacred geometry of its divine blueprint and ease the karmic momentum of cause and effect, cleanse the debris-covered electrons of thought, action and emotion, ultimately healing aberration. If enough of us took that attitude events and situations could be altered for the highest good and indeed I have witnessed large groups with powerful focus achieving that result.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
~ John 15:3
If you are continually going into a negative response in relationships, you are likely co-dependent. I’m going to ask Christina Hagman to write a guest blog on co-dependency as she is the master of understanding its roots in abandonment. Christina accompanied me on a journey beyond the veil. A radical mystical awakening that took me around the world and led us into intimate communication with sentient life in this world and others.
She is a wise and true friend and in our long and deep and complicated 23-year friendship and no doubt countless lifetimes, she has held tightly and elegantly to truth, making our friendship a great sanctuary as well as a place of tremendous power, the mountain-moving power ‘when two or more are gathered’ in the name of truth and love. The book about that journey is God’s Theory of Creativity, also published as The Shores of Grace. The tragedy is we do not have more friendships rooted in truth and power for this power can shift realities for the greater good.
Life has no blessing like a prudent friend.
I am so deeply grateful for my friends that truly love me and root for me and encourage me and spur me on. These friends see the best in me. I hope I have done the same for them. So many friendships are based on what can be got from another or someone to fritter time with who, when they displease, are quickly discarded or betrayed with gossip or cruel unuttered thoughts. These thoughts and words are tiny daggers that derail, harming the sender as well.
Fools fight. Friends discuss their differences.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
When I was younger every time I talked behind someone’s back I would turn around and they would be standing there! The Divine Presence has always been active in my life with frequently harsh consequences. So, I learned not to do that! Later, I began to be able to hear sharp snatches of people talking about me, no matter the distance between us, the corollary of this gift or curse. This put me at an advantage many times in my life. When it came to business I could be aware of the actual reality of situations, often very different to how they were presented to me. For example, when I ran a pub theatre in London one member of staff continually accused another of stealing. When he spoke to me I could literally hear his underlying thought that it wasn’t true and he was the thief. Everything was eventually revealed.
The truth will out
~ The Merchant of Venice, William Shakespeare
But in the case of friendships, this strange ability has led to moments of piercing sadness when I had to realise a friend was not a true friend, not a sister or brother as had been professed.
A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
~ Proverbs 16:28
I also began to be able to read energy fields like a book. These are the consequences of marriage to truth. Nothing is really hidden. Actually, we all have this ability to varying degrees! It expands by listening. This esoteric listening needs the chatter of the mind to be quiet! You are listening to your body which has massive capabilities we ignore. It is a tuning fork for congruence and discordance. It can analyse, record and perceive. This is your ‘gut instinct’ and along with your intuition, can offer you a wide range of information with which to negotiate your life. We tend to ignore both but the moment we start tuning in they will develop quickly.
Banish unkind words from your lips forever, and make your home life safe from trouble.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
When you wed yourself to truth your words gain enormous power. Your presence becomes cathartic to others. People may spontaneous tell you their deepest secrets, or if they have suppressed emotions or are in denial they may have an explosive reaction to you.
Beyond good and bad, there is a field, I’ll meet you there.
In Metaphysics, we take 100% responsibility for our reality. What is in our world is there for us to learn from. Our bodies are the Book of our Life. Every event is stored on our bio computer and in emotionally charged locations within the vehicle, our miraculous human forms. That emotional charge, stored in the body, will be triggered until it is cleared. Metaphysically, the body can be seen or felt to light up like a pinball machine where these triggers are hidden. Most systems of thought healing are mere band-aids on the volcanoes of our emotions if emotions are not first cleared.
Some people are so shut down they do not feel. They have created elaborate egoic structures to protect them from their feelings. These are structures of denial. They often cannot allow themselves to be wrong. The soul will likely create explosive catharsis at some point as the pressure of denial builds. They will create complicated stories of ‘what happened to them’ without realizing they are the author of the screenplay of their lives. When we use the mirror in relationships we grow and our friendships strengthen immeasurably and also grow.
Fools fight. Friends discuss their differences.
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
A sign that you are in this state of shut down or denial is that you have elaborate structures by which you define yourself. Ego is simply over identification with your constructed identity. This identity is often created to protect you from your pain. Unfortunately, it also protects you from your true self. Your True Self has a unique essence that is defined by qualities. These qualities may lead to achievement but achievement does not define your True Self. Your True Self will be revealed by the cleansing of all the thought structures and emotional protection devices you have used to create your egoic identity, the complicated structure you feel you will make you safe and admired and loved in the world.
Ho’oponopono is another great cleansing tool. This amazing Hawaiian technique seems simple, but like the Buddha’s sutras could fill volumes. Whenever you feel you have been wronged or a situation is presented to your field of vision that is out of alignment, you can apply the healing technique of Ho’oponpono. It is comprised of four simple statements that when said with total sincerity can be a real game changer.
I LOVE YOU (We connect to the Unified Field underpinned by impersonal, unconditional Love)
I AM SORRY (We are sorry for consciousness anywhere that created pain, that fell away from Love)
FORGIVE ME (We understand that if we see separation then separation must be healed within us)
THANK YOU (Gratitude brings Grace. Try to be in state of continual gratitude. It shifts the negative polarity to the positive)
My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake.
So, think about it. Who are your friends, your true friends? Look at all your relationships, for friendship must be the basis. Are you ready to be completely loyal? To speak to them and not about them? To make time for them? To practice truth with them? To practice self-enquiry if they irritate you or you feel they have ‘done something to you’? Can you share your feelings while owning them and being responsible for them?
The door of my friendliness will ever be open equally for those brothers who hate me and for those who love me.
Can you make a list of what you love about them and are grateful for? Encourage your friends and all who cross your path. Never compete, that is death to friendship. Compete only with yourselves. There is a friendly competition wherein you can spur each other on that can be really fun but too often it results in wanting to hold the other back so you can surpass them. That is a betrayal of your own soul. Don’t do it.
Even with impersonal relationships, you can use these methods positively. If you own your responses and speak from your heart, situations will be healed and responses will be sincere. Finally, be a friend to all Life. Apply friendship to all relationships, with the sentient and animate and with the inanimate. Be grateful for every electron passing your way in whatever form it has taken.
It is only the great hearted who can be true friends. The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means
~ Charles Kingsley
Here’s a bit more on Ho’oponopono.
Here’s some deeper study also featuring Dr. Len, its most extraordinary proponent who famously cleared a ward of the criminally insane over a few years primarily using this tool.
The recently published Ho’oponopono Almanac has nine personal descriptions of this technique, including one by me 🙂 and is also a journal.
Thanks to Yes Magazine for in-depth definitions from the Ancient Greeks.
In friendship and love,
The Metaphysical Muse
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